The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook
By Diana B. Denholm
Publisher: Hunter House
Review by Ellen Whitlock,
Executive Director of Senior Services of Guilford

“For Better or for Worse, in Sickness and in Health.” How many have said those words of commitment with little thought to what might lie down the road. In the midst of love, often young love, little thought is given to the future and the prospect that in all probability a spouse’s health may decline with a catastrophic illness resulting in death.

Recently I was asked to review the book, The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook – Caring for Your Seriously Ill Husband, Caring for Yourself. While the target of the book is the wife serving in the role of caregiver, much of what is shared by author Diana B. Denholm, a PhD., whose husband experienced a serious illness resulting in his death, can be transferred to either spouse faced with assuming the role of caregiver. (It is recognized that most women will be faced with serving as caregiver; it is estimated that at any one time 30 million women are actual caregivers.)

This informative book is packed with information on how to cope with your husband’s chronic illness, acknowledged as similar to a roller coaster ride from hell. Many wives have to learn about issues in which they had had no experience – from finances to repairing items around the house. This book gives couples, faced with the gift of time due to a diagnosed illness, the tools and suggestions to open the door to communicating with each other so when the end comes, there are fewer regrets.

In an effort to help women increase their coping skills, the author tells the story of six women, faced with losing their spouse, who are very honest about the feelings, fears and frustrations they experience and even their anger. As you learn the feelings of these women in situations similar to your own, you realize that it is very normal to have emotions, ranging from annoyance to sympathy, while you are faced with the stress of a living grief.

Throughout the book issues are examined while keys are shared to successfully communicating with the ill spouse as well as family members and friends. The reader is encouraged to not only communicate but to discuss issues and have understandings in an effort to reduce the stress on all the parties.

The book concludes with a list of 50 Do’s and Don’ts to provide the reader with coping skills in addition to a resource guide for assistance as one travels this journey. It offers an excellent overview of what lies ahead when serious illness faces a couple and encourages the reader to reach out for support throughout this most difficult time. There are local agencies that specialize in providing caregivers such support in every Triad county, such as Senior Resources of Guilford and Senior Services of Forsyth. Through information and referral programs, such as SeniorLine, the caregiver can obtain information to assist in this journey.